[pitty..party] of one

First of all, let me say sorry for the gap is awesomeness...i forgot my password, then forgot the email i used to sign in...the last 3 months have been a blur to me...[kendall keeps me busy, and not thinking clearly] LOL

The other night I was standing outside the bar watching cars go by.[it was a slow night] when a guy i know [just from the bar] stopped and asked me how i had been doing, and that he was glad to see me back.  I told him I was alright, and that i was glad to be back...then when I asked him how he was doing, and he began to tell me.

He started to tell me that the last few months had been pretty rough on him he had had a few deaths [which I can relate too] and had hit a few rough patches in life.  As he went on and on i thought.."OMG is this guy ever goin to shut up".."it's getting cold out here"...ohh man i wish someone would walk in so i could leave him"...what is he tryin to do make me feel pitty for him. But as i looked in his eyes, i realized that this wasnt just some pitty party, this guy was really hurting, so i continued to listen, but i had nothing to say...i didnt know what to say, i almost felt awful because the only things i could say were "oh my gosh" or "yeah".

After a few minutes of talking...orr listening i should say. He thanked me for listening, and gave me a hug.  That was most sincere hug i have gotten in a long time.  It made me feel good knowing that all i had to do was listen, and it made someone's day a little bit brighter, and feel a little bit better. 

I saw that same guy tonight, and he had put on a smile, and was having a good time...never even mentioned all of the rough things that we had talked about earlier on in the week.  It got me thinking a lot about how people go around and want a pitty party for the stupidest things, some people make stuff up because they want the attention.  It's almost like it's their lifes mission to make people feel sorry for them everyday.  To those people i say this...why MAKE your life a complete misery just for attention.  There are people out there who are REALLY struggling with things in their life....and you cant even tell from the outside.  The last few months i have realized that life if a GIFT, and it can be taken away in a heartbeat.  Do you want that last beat to be forgotten...or remembered??

 So instead of going around wanting pitty on yourself, take a long hard look in the mirror at the person you are...and remember you only get one chance to live...MAKE IT COUNT!!!!!!! Go have a lil fun in life!!!! :)

next time i'm getting a dog!

I now [finally] introduce to you Kendall Michelle!

• July 5, 2011
• 8:44pm
• 6lbs 9oz
• 19in. long
• HEALTHY
• And a huge pain getting here! :)

Between the poopy diapers and cries, I finally have a napping baby, and a few moments to catch you guys up on whats been happening!

Three weeks ago yesterday, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Kendall, and believe me it wasn't as easy as i thought it was going to be.  I went into the hospital that morning to get induced thinking i was goin to have a normal labor and delivery...but was i EVER WRONG!

First let me take a few steps back, and tell you a little bit about the issues i had during my pregnancy.  When i was 32 weeks pregnant i got a bladder infection which threw me into pre-term labor. i went to the hospital they stopped it i went home (hosp. visit #1).  Then a week later it happened again, only this time i had to stay in the hosp. and they had to stop it with an IV (hosp visit #2). Then at 36 weeks my blood pressure sky rocketed and i had to go back. (hosp visit #3).  I knew early she was going to be a handfull!! LOL

okay so back to the day she was born.  It started off like any normal induction, they hooked me up to the monitors, and gave me my IV, and then waiting game began.  A few hours went by with some progress, when then, her heart rate started to go up and down.  The dr then told me it was either the cord around her neck, or she just didnt like the potocin(sp) and that a c-section would probally be my best option.

so after freaking out and talking to the nurses and my mom, i decided that a c-section was the way i was goin to go.  It was the scariest thing i have ever been through, and if i never have to do that again, its goin to be too soon!! And after 8 minutes of tryin to get her head out of my pelvic bone, she was pulled out, with the cord wrapped around her neck..twice! but she was healthy, and it didnt cause any problems.... Remember my last blog about Kendall having the best guardian angel ever....that has seen been proven true!! :)

After coming back to my room from recovery, stoned on my pain meds and everything else they shot in me...i told my mom that "next time i was getting a dog" :)

A mother daughter relationship is the most complex of all!

It's crazy how the older i get, the more thankful i am for my mother not killing me. :) She is a very strong women, and when i think back to some of the things i did and put her through makes me want to cry.

My mom has been through alot in the last year, with my dad, and my being pregnant yet she still gets up every morning with a smile on her face.  Thinking about everything she has been through, if that would have been me...i would have a new home in a padded room.  She has been there for me through break-ups, fights with friends, and has helped me see when i have made a horrible mistake (i was never a very good listener, so it i got alot of  "I told you so").  Part of me wouldnt change all we've been though together because i wouldn't be who i am today. But than on the other hand, i cant imagine all the sleepless nights i have caused her because i thought i was being a "grown up".
  

And now that i am about to become a mother myself, i cant help but think about what someone told me, they said that you're kids always act worse than you did...lol....if thats the case, im locking her up until shes 18!! :) 

Me and my mom have become pretty close since i got pregnant.  I started realizing that my lifestyle needed to change, and i needed to move back home for a while, so while living back with my mom we have gotten close again, and i very happy that we did.  We always find ourselves laughing about the most dumbest things, and i find myself asking her things about being a mother like things like what she did when she first had me (i was her first).  I don't know what i would do if i didnt have a mom who stuck with me through thick and thin.  I would probably be dead, or living on the streets somewhere.  She is truly my hero, and i love her with everything i have!!!



p.s...i would post a picture of us, but she was never one to have her picture taken much...she always thought she looked awful (clearly i didnt get my camera whore ways from her!! =])

Kendall Rae becomes Kendall Michelle!

 

This is my beautiful daughter Kendall ( i say beautiful, because you can clearly see that she's going to look like me!!)

Jacob would probally kill me if he knew i fell in love with the name Kendall while watching a "Keeping up with the Kardashians" marathon. (their little sister's name is kendall).  I told him i found it on a website with baby names!!  So after we agreed that kendall would be her name, i let him pick out the middle name. We threw around bunches of names, jo, blair, skye, dawn, rae, michelle....but RAE stuck...for a while anyway.......

As most of you know on June 16th my dad passed away of brain cancer. To date it was one of worst nights of my life.  Even though he went just the way we wanted, peaceful, in his sleep, with no pain...its still hard.  I will never forget when he first found out he had cancer (june 3rd 2010), i started taking him to treatments everyday...and even though me and my dad hadnt been close since i was little, i found this too be a good time to catch up and maybe makes a relationship with him. And one day I was driving him home, and i will never forget where we was at (we were driving up the old overpass in flora) when he told me he wanted to be a grandpa Jokingly i told him that he was goin to have to wait on my brother because i didnt want to have kids....but little did i know that God had different plans for me.

4 months later i found out i was pregnant, i was livid...this was not suppose to happen to me, i was a 22 year old bartender having the time of my life. but after thinking about it for a while..what my dad said to me that day got me thinking, and i knew that this is what was suppose to happen. 

The day we told my dad he was going to be a grandpa will always stick with me, when we told him, he got his famous "shit eating grin" for those of you that dont know what im talking about its a little grin when he gets excited, about to bust at the seams, but doesnt want anyone else to know it (my brother has it too) but i didnt know that the rest of God's plan was going to be the hardest thing for me to accept.

We Always knew that my dad was sick, and that if any of the cancer came back it was going to come back with force and happen fast. But speaking for myself..i just knew that it wasnt goin to happen to us, my dad had never been sick a day in his life until now, and he did awesome with all the treatments, i just knew that everything was goin to be okay, and he would meet Kendall.  But that didnt happen. a week before he passed away tho, i did get my 3D ultra sound and i we got a really good picture of her (above) and you can tell she has my nose...which i get my dad's family. and i had this picture by his bed when he passed away...he knew he was a grandpa, and will always be her grandpa...Kendall is going to have the best guardian angel anyone could ask for!!!

Even though I am still having a hard time accepting that my dad will not get to meet any of his grandkids, and i will miss alot of things, he did get to raise me and my brother, and i do have some amazing memories of him i think about daily. And im starting to see why maybe this all happned the way it did!  And that is why Kendall's middle name is now Michelle...for her Grandpa "Michael" :)

DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!!

FIRST THINGS FIRST!

i have always wanted to start a blog, but never really had much to say about just ONE thing (my mind doesnt stay on one subject for very long) Which i why i decided to use this first blog to tell you a little but about myself! Some stuff you may know, and some things may surprise you! :)

• Names Lacey...friends and family call me LACE
• I should be the mother of a beautiful daughter any day now (due date July 12th 2011)
• I am a Trekkie, and very proud to say so!
• I have been told that i have an "old soul" which i believe to be true
• i can say my ABC's backwards...too bad the cops dont ask you to do that when you've been drinking...i would pass!! :) 
• I am a hairstylist, but what ive wanted to do since i was little was dance in musicals!
• I tend to look at all situations, and find something funny or fun about it. This too is how i deal with bad situations.
• I MISS MY DAD!!
• I love giving gifts to my friends and family, but i have to wait til the day before i give it to buy it, because i can never wait to give a gift.
• Me and my brother are complete opposites, and we fight daily, but i dont know what i would do without him, he was my world when we were little, and still is!! (will post pictures in later blog)
• i have 3 tattoos...soon to be 4

those are just few randoms about myself....basically all i want in life is to not have any regrets, and to make an impression, and for people to remember me for someone who didnt go down the beaten path!! :)